They said it couldn’t be done. They said September was too early.

They said fried chicken and Transfusions were not the ideal preparation for serious golf. And yet, 31 brave souls descended into the basement for Q-School, swinging like their livelihoods depended on it.

Cabot Cliffs was the first battlefield, and the leaderboard looked like a TopGear line-up. Patrick “Mustang” Scally roared home at -4, James Day stalked him like a hungry cat at -3, and a gaggle of hopefuls including Andy Lofts, James Harris, Gianni Saccomani and Nick James all parked up at +1.

Seminole was next, where James Harris and James Day locked horns - both posted tidy -2s. Mustang Scally couldn’t quite keep the engine running, but still slid into third at -1, while Craig Wheeler clung on gamely at level.

Finally came Royal Portrush, and Keith Schrod stole the show with a majestic-4, leaving Day again in the hunt at -3, and Harris and David “Pin” Hutton grinding out even par. Rumours that Hutton’s nickname refers to a single three-putt on the 7th remain unconfirmed.

Notable Sandbaggers
• Keith Schrod – 10 shots better than Q-School
• Craig Wheeler – 6 shots better than Q-School
• James Day and Patrick Scally – 5 shots better than Q-School

Notable Saboteurs
• Matt Pike – 8 shots worse than Q-School
• Andrew Ogier and John Mckeown – 5 shots worse than Q-School

The sandbaggers have been cut, but those who shot worse scores than Q-School need a few more rounds before their handicap will start creeping up.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was just the test month. The warm-up. The amuse-bouche. Now the real stuff begins: October is the official start of the Urban Underground Society season.

October is proudly sponsored by Birdie Kummel (who else?), with prizes up for grabs and a leaderboard that’s ready to ruin friendships. Hopefully you are all getting used to the realism setting!

Follow the instructions, sign up, and get swinging. The basement awaits.